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Hey, love, what's up? [Although Rowan looks a little worn around the edges, they smile brightly for Lucas, as always happy to talk to him.]

[Lucas goes to open his mouth but their look catches his attention more.]

...Did I wake you up?

Nah, you're good. Just haven't been up long. Now that it's still dark when I get home, it's screwed my sleeping pattern up even more. [They chuckle easily. As much as they don't like lying to Lucas these days, this feels like more of a white lie anyway.]

Give me a month or so and I'll go into hibernation if we're not careful.

[A nagging suspicion tugs at Lucas's mind, but he has nothing to really go on aside from that. Maybe work is running them ragged? Either way, now his heart aches for them a little bit.]

You can hibernate in my room if you want to, but...you should try and get some sleep. I can bug you with this later?

It's all good! I need to get up proper sooner or later, and you're here now. What is it? [And despite that tiredness, they do look eager to talk, leaning into their tome a little as though Lucas were really in the room with them.]

Oh...okay, well.

[How to even start? Lucas wishes he'd gone to them in person, wrap Rowan up in his arms to have this kind of chat.]

I don't know if you, um...I saw this post on the tomes from Ren? But it's not about that, exactly. Uh... [Oh boy, the stalling.]

It's about what Silent said. To Ren. About...mates?

No? Hold on, I'll go check. [They cut the connection for what they assume won't be too long before Lucas has a chance to complain.]

[And they don't come back. At least, not for a good while. Five, maybe ten minutes pass before they force themself to stop panicking and pick up their tome again.]

Sorry. I found it. I dunno what... I mean, it's Silent, innit? She ain't good with human relationships.

[Funnily enough, they thought if anyone slipped up it would be Ren, but they'd been counting on the Litany to keep their claiming of the other two a secret. They just wish they knew which aspect Lucas was trying to bring up - that Rowan has two partners that he doesn't know about, or the mate aspect.]

[The time they take worries him, piling on more as the minutes tick by until he's pacing his room and about a heartbeat away from just throwing caution to the wind and going to see Rowan in person. This distance is too much to bear.

And then they return with the kind of deflecting answer he's used to dishing out back home.]

You say that like she's not...I mean, she's definitely weird, okay, but not like weird weird?

[He glances aside, unsure now.]

Sorry. It's not really my business if you're going steady with other people. [He's just surprised and finding his heart twisting in the same way it had when Max talked about giving his heart to other people, too. Maybe it's the same for them? If, he reminds himself, he's willing to try for Max, he can do that for Rowan also.]

What? [Rowan’s surprised, and even more so by the way that Lucas seems hurt by it. But then, it’s like Max, isn’t it? They should have drawn away from both of them sooner.] No, it’s you. You and Max. Silent thinks...

[And then they pause again, unwilling to lie. Which is ridiculous, they’ve been lying all their life. But they do try not to to the people they care about. And that's the issue here, isn’t it?

But how can they tell the truth without exposing themself? And if they do, Rowan realises with a shock, it’s no longer the litany they’re worried about. It’s that Max and Lucas will leave them when they both find out the lie that Rowan’s been telling them since they met. And they are going to find out. Look at the way they didn’t know that Silent hadn’t told Lucas yet that she wasn’t human. There’s too many layers of lies now.]

I just wanted to protect you both, and I ain’t strong enough on my own. I... [They trail off, not sure what they can say without revealing all or directly lying.]

Oh. [He feels more than a little stupid for not piecing that together, considering how often bringing up one in a conversation invariably brings up the other. Silent thinks they're dating or something? That's definitely not the worst assumption.

The way they hesitate now makes him reconsider that idea, too. Does Rowan want to be tangled up with him and Max?]

Protect us...from what?

[Lucas can't help it, but he frowns at his own question, unsure if he wants or needs an answer with the way Rowan's acting now.]

Whatever's going on, if I can help? I want to. You've been there for me, it's about time I return the favor.

From yourself, from this place, from everything; it wasn’t long after the party and I...

[They rub their eyes tiredly, pulling their legs up to their chest and curling in small.]

I should explain to both of you. [They can’t do this twice.]

The party...[Lucas repeats, feeling a pang of guilt at how they look so small now.]

Do you want to? Rowan, I...I don't want to push you or anything like that, but if you do I can get Max and we can figure out whatever's going on. Okay?

I should have warned you then but I didn’t. Both of you. [And now it’s too late.]

Get Max, please. I’ll be here. [They cut the call, as guilty as they feel about it, but they need time to start figuring out what on Earth they might say.]

[There's no chance to reply and Lucas doesn't bother to call them back. Instead he's racing out of his room to find Max. Hopefully the man is in his room, so he's not banging on the door like a lunatic.]

Max, dude, please be in...Hey!

[Max opens the door with a concerned look already forming. This does not sound like a pleasure call.]

What's going on? Is everything okay?

[Oh how Lucas wishes it was a booty call.]

I'm...not really sure. We need to go talk to Rowan, I saw something on the tomes earlier and they...I don't know how to put it and it's just better if we both get the full scoop from them?

[Max will find Lucas is just as concerned, peering up with pale searching eyes.]

They're waiting for us in their room.

On the tomes?

[He's almost tempted to make Lucas show him, but he decides he doesn't want to take the time. They need to see Rowan now.]

Okay, then let's get over there.

[He takes off in the direction of Rowan's room. He knows the way by heart.]

Rowan's at least managed to throw actual clothes on, and shifted to the chair where they can curl up and the other two won't be able to sit with them. It's not ideal, but it'll remove the temptation of trying to distract them, and also make it easier if Max or Lucas or both do decide to leave.

They do manage to smile when the two of them arrive, though it doesn't quite wipe the shadows from their eyes. "Hey. Did Lucas show you, Max?" They ask, straight away. Might as well get this over with. "It's still open on my tome if not." They indicate the book sitting on the bed with a sweep of their hand, open once again to the forth and back between Ren and Silent.

"No...not yet..."

He feels like he's swallowed a ball of lead as he goes to their tome to watch the interaction. The feeling only worsens now that he's finished it. Rowan has two mates? But they said... Wait. Two? And now he and Lucas are here.

"She means us, doesn't she?"

Silent is... strange. Could it be a misunderstanding? But if that's all it is then why does Rowan look like they are about to be sick?

"What's going on?"

"She means you." Rowan confirms, licking their lips nervously. "I told her. And Ren."

Their pale gaze drifts from one man to the other. "I should have told you, but I didn't think either of them would mention it. It's... Look, there's nothing to me. I fight all the time, but I don't never do any damage. I can't protect either of you, not if sommat happens. And not from them neither. This weren't long after the party." They add, for context, looking at Max again, since they already told Lucas that.

"But if they think you're both mine, I knew they'd respect that. And that they'd keep an eye out for you. If I couldn't." They shift, uneasily. "They're both more powerful than I ever could be."

Lucas swallows around the sudden lump in his throat, watching them carefully while they speak. There's that phrase again: There's nothing to me. On its own he could take it at face value, but the nagging feeling that's been bothering him since the bonfire. Something else is going on.

"Come on, Rowan," He pleads, coming around to to the side of the bed closest to where they're sitting. He worries his hands together, every signal they are sending warns him off from reaching out just yet. "No bullshit here...whatever the hell's going on, you can tell us. You've been here for both us, can't we do the same for you?"

Max is close behind Lucas, settling near enough to touch him. But the one he wants to reach for now is Rowan, and they feel farther away then they've ever been.

It all goes back to that bonfire night. Something else was going on. He'd known it then. He chose to ignore it. He can't do that anymore.

"Why them, Rowan? Why did you tell them we are your mates and not us? When I asked you before you... you told me you didn't feel that way about people. Is it all just for show?"

"That weren't a lie, Max. I can't have relationships, so I don't let myself. It's easier not to get too close." And that's the problem right there, isn't it? They let both of them get too close. And now the idea of losing one or both of them shakes them to their core.

Worse still, they only have themself to blame.

"I don't want to lie to you no more, but I can't... I'm not allowed to tell the truth, and if you did you'd hate me." They draw their knees up to their chest, curling in even further, hiding tears that start to fall. "You'll both want to leave me and I... I just can't."

Those words...Lucas has spoken them to himself for years. Back home he's in no position for a relationship, it's easier to stick to flings with no strings attached. This place is different. His gaze falls naturally, for a moment, on Max. This place is very different.

He can't stand to watch them curl in on themselves anymore, springing forward off the bed to lay gentle hands to their shoulder and one to clutch at one forearm.

"If...if it's a part of you," he echoes their words to him, "Just as natural as your hair or eye color, then that's all I need to know, too. If you want to tell us, I'm not going to go blabbing about it." He squeezes them, hoping to get all of his meaning across, even the part he can't put into words. "I want to know everything about you, too, Rowan."

His chest twists in on itself, but he holds the words back, and hopes that this is enough to bring them back. He's just as scared of losing them after all this time, but he glances again to Max. Maybe he can convince Rowan to explain?

Edited 2020-10-06 15:29 (UTC)

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3 successes on the lie; it's pretty solid but not perfect

baaawh Rowan ;_;

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