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Yes.

[That one, he can answer without any hesitation and honestly, it's simple enough to talk about. There's no hurt in it. If anything, it feels good.]

More than once, though I only kept it for a prolonged amount of time the once, after I'd finally figured out how to get it just right.

Two times in this place, there and back, so I know that it works here, too. [Once right after arriving, in a frantic quest to see if it did work. And a second time because he needed it for a sexual encounter. Which had been... not bad? He still can't quite make heads nor tails of if it had been better than the alternative, but it was good to have tried.]

[Rowan nods, glad to know that Jackie knows it still works here.] I’m surprised they didn’t take it off you. It seems like the less you have, the more they take. [But maybe they thought Jackie would be more likely to have sex if he had the power available, than if he needed to earn it back. They don’t think about it too much; there’s too much they don’t know about their captors and how they work.]

You said it’d take a lot of effort from you too. Can I help with that?

Not really, no. [Not without telling them things about themselves that they don't want to tell.]

And I wonder about that, too.

[It's a question he has asked himself, more than once. They cut down his strength and speed by half and took everything else but the bare necessities completely away. Why does he still have the entirety of Vicissitude?

But, he thinks, he's found the answer. Or at least an answer that would make sense. It's not a nice one, it's a very vulnerable one, but with the conversation they've just had he feels like Rowan is perhaps the one person that he can explain his idea to, that he wants to show that particular vulnerability to.]

I've thought about it a lot. And I think... [he'll use the fact that Rowan understands so much to skirt around having to explain some of this, keeping it short and to the point and vague where it being explicit would hurt.] Imagine if you had this ability, and then, living in a completely male body, had it taken from you.

I don't know how functional I would have been, how fun I would have been to watch.

And they want their entertainment functional and fun.

[Even though the idea had basically already occurred to Rowan, having it spelled out like that makes them shudder in a very personal way. They can all too easily picture it, remembering how frantic they had been to check that they could still change and their healing ability was still (at least somewhat) in place.]

Yeah. I’m glad they didn’t fuck around with it. And hey, that means less for you to have to earn back! Is there anything else you need once you have your shop? [It’s good for Jackie, but bad for Rowan. Hopefully they can get another couple of shags out of him before he has what he needs, though, especially if they are like last time.

...actually.]

I know you said I couldn’t help, but... people can give favour to one another. I don’t think I have a lot yet, but if, if I do take you up on this, could I help you that way?

[It’ll slow down their ability to earn back the things they want from home significantly, but it would only be fair.]

There's nothing else really that I'm in a hurry to get.

[He's got one other thing lined up that he wants to ask for, which he cannot tell Rowan about, and that's... pretty much it. Yes, eventually he hopes to gain all his Disciplines back, but he's been doing just fine without them.

Might want to get more knowledge of Obtenebration than he has, eventually, because he's sure that there will be people here who will appreciate shadow tentacles... But that's a by the by, and maybe one day thing.]

How about you just earmark the thought, and if I need your help with something in the future, you owe me one? [Having someone indebted to you is always useful, after all.]

[Rowan smiles and nods.] Seems fair enough. I mean, I'll need to think about it, obviously, but... [It's going to be too tempting, they know it is. The idea will niggle at them, especially each time they run up against problems with a partner.]

I'd say you always know where to turn to for a play partner, but I think I'm already getting the better half of that deal. [They laugh brightly.]

I wouldn't be so sure about that. [He tilts his head and waves a hand, ushering the words about the better half of the deal off.] After all I'm getting someone out of it who understands and accepts when I say that I don't want to receive anything physical in return.

Not everyone does.

[They understand, but they still can't help but feel like they're taking advantage.

Although on the other hand, Jackie really did seem to enjoy himself last night, so maybe there is something to that after all.]

You say that, but if word gets out how good you are you're going to end up with a queue forming, so just remember that I have first dibs. [Rowan teases, happy to be able to relax again after the mess from earlier.] I really need to be better prepared next time, though, and write you out a proper list. There's got to be a kink dictionary around here somewhere. [They glance at the shelves, and wonder if Caleb knows.]

I'm sure there is. [He would genuinely be surprised if there isn't. A list... huh. Not a bad idea. He's curious what Rowan will come up with.

Back to the last point, though-] But also. Seriously. Think about it. There's no hurry. As long as I'm here, my offer stands.

I will. Think about it, I mean. [They smile at him.] And I really do appreciate the offer.

[He simply nods at that; there isn't really anything to add.

And with that, he stands.] I'll hear from you when you got the list, then?

Yeah. I guess so. I might see you around, though. [it’s a small place, after all.]

See you!

I'm sure you will.

[It's a small place indeed. And with that, he'll leave the library, and Rowan to their thoughts if they are so inclined.]

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cw: discussion of creepy vampire fleshcraft used for gender affirmation surgery

cw: discussion of creepy vampire fleshcraft used for gender affirmation surgery

cw: discussion of creepy vampire fleshcraft used for gender affirmation surgery

cw: discussion of creepy vampire fleshcraft used for gender affirmation surgery

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