Ainmhian IC Inbox

[ralliesprotests]

Good afternoon, you've reached Rowan Lewis at Gay Agenda dot Com.
Unfortunately it's no longer the 90s, so feel free to leave a message after the beep but I ain't gonna check it.
Text me like a normal person. BEEP.

Comments

[jengohshit]

Yeah. I've got...some ideas what might work. I've got...

[He realizes abruptly that he totally has the means to try out the idea he has, and now he feels a little silly for taking the potion.] Hmm. Well, I've got a week to think about how I feel. The first time I just...spent the whole week trying to just be okay in that body? It was...honestly it wasn't helped that I'd had it about an hour and a half when someone sort of... [How to put this that doesn't make it sound like he wasn't willing.] Well, when someone saw me who I wasn't ready to deal with when I felt vulnerable. Someone I didn't have a great relationship with. I shot the potion down on impulse, regretted it immediately, and within three hours of waking up in the morning a lot of...unbalancing shit had happened, basically. I spent that week just fucking surviving it, there wasn't time for introspection. It's embarrassing but I didn't even want to bathe, a friend had to help me. I was letting other people touch me but I didn't want to get up close and personal with any of it, because the scariest part was that parts of it felt good.

The second time I was just learning that it could...be okay, you know? I'd blown the first go on surviving so I spent the second go on just...being gentler with myself, if that makes sense? Letting it feel nice without pushing myself or rattling my cage.

So. Here goes the third. Time to really explore it, right?

[ralliesprotests]

Hey, look, time is good. And thinking. Like I said, the only rush is your own comfort, so take as much or little time as you need over all of this.

[That first time sounds like kind of a disaster, though, and Rowan wishes that they'd been there to try and help him through it.]

That absolutely makes sense. Don't think you need to push yourself too hard, though. If you need to stop and just... enjoy it, just stop. You can always think back on it later. And if you need someone to talk shit through with, I'm still gonna be here. During or after. I didn't go through exactly what you're going through, but I remember what it's like to question, and it helped me to have someone to talk to. Or at; half the time it was just me voicing my way through things until I got to the conclusion.

[jengohshit]

No, yeah, that makes sense. If it's all right with you I might come for the...sanity check? If something feels weird or I can't figure out what to do about something, you know? Or, yeah, voicing through things, that actually happened a little bit ago, heh.

I really, really appreciate you being willing to talk with me about this, by the way. If it's ever...too much, if I'm ever too much to deal with you can tell me to come back later. I've been like this for thirty-two years, I can wait a few days to let you get stuff off your plate, you know?

[ralliesprotests]

Yeah, of course it is. Do you remember when I said I'm free? If I'm working, you can always come down to the Revelry and I'll take a break when I can.

And don't worry about me. Look, I was lucky that I got my shit figured out early, but I have three gay mums and their social group is mostly as queer as they are. I had a lot of help, it don't bother me to pass that on. And I finished transitioning over five years ago, so the worst of it's just memories these days. [They pause, and then add,] In the unlikely event that it happens, I'll let you know, though.

[jengohshit]

I know. I just don't wanna...impose, I guess. I mean, you're new to the place anyway, you've got enough to deal with just settling in, right? Don't need some...confused half-elf tugging at your sleeve all day.

Anyway, I'll shut up about it. Um, I think I'll let you go, you'll probably hear from me during the week. But you've given me some really good stuff to think about, so thank you again.

[ralliesprotests]

Eh, it's been almost a month already, and I adapt fairly quickly. [Seriously, between Silent and Ren pulling and this stupid competition to see who can fuck the best, it feels like they've been here longer just dealing with the pair of them.]

You're really not imposing, please don't stress about that. I'm glad to be able to help.

[jengohshit]

I'm really glad we got to meet.

[ralliesprotests]

Me too! It's nice for me as well. To have someone who understands, I mean. [Whatever Vax works out for himself, at the very least he can understand the questioning, and it's always good to have someone there who understands, even just in part.]

[jengohshit]

[It actually helps more than he expected to hear that Rowan benefits too. It seems obvious now, doesn't it? It's always good to have your people around.]

I'm really glad, and I'll keep it in mind. Catch you later, yeah?

[ralliesprotests]

Yep, speak to you soon!

[And Rowan will end the connection there.]