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[ Well, this is going to be genuinely awkward. But with enough sleep, enough attempts to work out the nightmares, she's beginning to remember the people she was with. And now that she's coughing out flowers, she needs to see if this does anything to stop what's happening to her or if this is going to be a new quirk of her body she needs to get used to. ]

Hi.
Sorry, I know this is likely uncomfortable.
My name's Dorothea. I remember you from last month.
I wanted to see if you're all right.

[The text comes out of the blue, but it does trigger something. A woman’s screams, the curl of something kind around a small cut, and the ache of a piece of them that’s been missing. All things they’ve been experiencing in their dreams and the few quiet moments they can’t escape. Is that her? It’s been so hard to trace a woman they only know by the sound of her scream. But maybe they should have focused instead on that gentle curl around their finger - the curl of a vine, they realise, abruptly.]

hi my memories are still fucked, sorry. are you terra by any chance? i heal quick, so i was fine once we were out of there. [In terms of injuries, anyway. And out and about, make up can hide the signs of broken sleep and a week of starvation on an aves metabolism.]

howre you coping? can we meet up sometime?

I am, yes.

[ They at least remember that, so it's...a good sign, perhaps. But what she recalls on her end is equally distorted and strange, and she knows she was with an aves at one point. Someone who tried to pull apart her chains. ]

Coping is a kinder word than the one I'd use.
But I'm all right.

I'd like to meet, yes. Where do you usually spend your days?

[Is she the one they’ve been missing? Their heart beats a little faster at the thought that they might be able to at least fix that yearning ache that’s left them so restless.]

im not working atm so hanging around mostly. whenever & where ever’s best for you i can be there.

[Maybe that makes them sound a little desperate, but they don’t care that much. Everyone who suffered under Patho-Gen’s care last month should have some understanding for the need for connection, as far as Rowan’s concerned.]

I'm off right now too.
We could meet outside the library if you can?

[ That's a decent enough landmark, she thinks, where they can walk from if need be. ]

outside the library works. i'll be half an hour or so. look for green feathers.

[It takes a little bit longer by the time they've put on a full face of make up. They're still not used to that, but it's better than the pitying glances they get otherwise. Everything else can be hidden under warm layers, as long as you don't know that their tail was long enough to almost reach the floor before.

They jog up to the steps, satchel bumping against their hip as they do. Only then do they stop, glancing around. What're they looking for? They still can't remember more than that vine and the screams that echo in their mind. But they're looking for a terra, so that's a good enough place to start, and they just have to hope that she's spotted the very obvious close crop of bright green feathers that replaced their hair a long time ago.]

[ She arrives not long after, though for the most part, Dorothea looks the part of a perfectly normal human. Her skin is a little paler these days and her eyes a bit more vibrant, but the more obvious plant pieces she has are tucked well underneath her outfit. And with the cold, she's wearing enough to cover up, and so the fact that she's a Terra isn't obvious.

Rowan, however, is slightly more obvious with the feathers. That... That seems familiar enough. So when she approaches the steps, she cants her head and lifts a hand. ]

Rowan?

[Their name catches their attention, and their warm smile in response comes naturally to them. They lift a hand in response and jog the last few steps over to her, more focused on greeting her than trying to place her in their fractured memories for now.]

Hi. Dorothea? Hi. You wasn't waiting long, was you?

That's me, hi. [ She smiles similarly, though it's uncertain at the edges. ] And no, I wasn't waiting long at all. Just arrived.

[ With a gesture, she indicates the sidewalk. ]

Do you want to walk while we speak? Or would you rather we speak in the library?

[ Hopefully no one will kick them out if they're quiet. ]

[Rowan hesitates, glancing up at the imposing building. They know it well, they’ve been running classes there since the start, but this isn’t a conversation they want to have in a quiet spot.]

Let’s walk, we can always stop off some place if we need to. [There’s plenty of cafes around, or there’s always the parks too.

But rather than start walking, Rowan reaches out with a hand, and then falters. There is something there, something familiar about her. They take in her features, and they feel the echoes of her suffering, the desperation of an escape attempt, and the panic of being pulled away from her, but no true recollections yet. They spent time with her, they’re pretty sure about that, but more than that they can’t say.

They sigh deeply and reach out once more, stopping just shy of initiating contact.] Can I hug you?

[ There's a moment where the reach of Rowan's hand gives Dorothea pause, a kind of skittishness. She waits, taking the other in, uncertain at the first faltering of their hand. Her gaze settles on their hand when they attempt once more to make contact. Initially, she frowns. But then, she nods, something almost desperate about it. ]

Yes.

[ The sound wavers, a well of emotion rising up. She nods again and opens her arms for them. ]

Yes, you can. I'd like that.

[Rowan gives Dorothea a soft smile, then takes a step in to close the gap between them. As soon as they touch, they gasp softly, as light and warmth fills them mind and body, washing away the dull ache of the last two weeks as they finally reconnect with their missing imprint.

And that's all it takes for them to throw away their abandon. They lean up into her, their arms thin but warm as they pull her into them in turn. Their body might be frail, but there's a strength at their core, a confidence that was missing before she gave her consent, and they offer her support and love unconditionally with a gentle squeeze of their hand on her shoulder.]

It is you. [Their voice is a soft whisper by her ear, their thoughts out loud more than a remark for her to hear, but their words are filled with wonder, as well as a healthy dose of fear and concern. Most of what they know about this woman is the sound of her screams, why are they drawn to her so strongly?

But they're pulled from their thoughts almost immediately by a tutting from someone coming out of the library at the all too public display of affection, and Rowan untangles themself from Dorothea quickly, a tinge of red on their cheeks.] Let's go for a walk?

[ She isn't used to things feeling like this. Her only other imprint is Hubert and she sees him daily, so the sudden change to being far away from someone she's now connected to is unknown to her. But the moment they embrace, that initial touch changes everything. There's a sudden wave of warmth and relief, a dislodging of the sharpness in her chest, and she sighs. Her arms tighten around them. ]

I didn't...

[ Didn't know. Couldn't have even guessed. It took so long for some of these memories to return, and all she wants is to remain like this, to just hold them until the world stops feeling so jagged. But there's a bit of consternation from another patron, and she slowly lets go of Rowan. With a nod, she smiles, and gently takes them by the arm. ]

Let's go. We can talk while we walk.

[ But it's them. And now she doesn't feel quite so empty or alone. ]

[They find space to rest their hand on top of hers. Karteria and it's people will have to put up with that, they need the reassurance of her touch right now. Then they set off, not heading anywhere in particular, just getting them going, following their feet. Dorothea has too much of their attention to think about that, they're just reserving enough to make sure that they don't walk into anyone, a lamppost, or into the road.]

I got so many questions, I don't know where to start. I... How much do you remember? [Not the best place to start, for sure, but also the most important one, especially given their memory of her in particular is so patchy. Perhaps it'll come back now, like the memory of their shared time with Northly and Momo, but whether that's a good thing or a bad thing... given what they do remember, they're not sure.]

I remember most things in general, but it still feels like...like the broad strokes of a painting.

[ She remembers more of what happened to her, whether she was alone or not, but who she was with... Those are the memories that often feel faded and worn, faces obscured. Even the staff she'd seen feel too far away for proper identification, only the sight of armor or white coats or pieces of technology to remind her of what she'd seen. Worse would be the memories where she remembers what was done to her: shears, clippers, vials and vials of blood taken, the electricity. Moments where pieces of her were taken and either taken away or discarded to the floor as if they didn't matter.

There are times when she can remember the shouts and cries of others, even if she can't remember their faces. That's how she remembers Rowan: by touch, by shout, but not by face. ]

I remember you were trying to help me out. And I remember things hurting, not just me but for you too. The details, though, that's where it gets fuzzy.

Between the two of us we might get sommat like a full picture, then. I remember... some of the details, but they ain't helpful. A vine around my finger. I think I cut myself? It didn't feel like much, not compared to - [They take a deep breath, tensing a little.] - other stuff.

But I remembered more of what happened when me and Northly was together when we spent time together, so we might remember more now. [They chew on their lip, staring blankly ahead as they walk.] And I think it's better to know. We're here now, anyway, so we made it. [Turning, they flash her a smile, gently squeezing the arm that's wrapped around theirs.] You made it. So we'll get through it. [They might not be thriving, but they are surviving, and that's the first step.]

I remember some of that too.

[ Trying to reach for someone, hoping to help. The countless abuses her vines took during those days have blurred together; she doesn't remember which occasion necessitated what, or which time was which, as experiences simply seem repetitive at times. She squeezes Rowan's arm gently, both at the reassurance and at the comment around 'making it'. It's all she can do, as someone who is desperate to survive regardless of the outcome. ]

I know you tried to fight them. I remember a lot of yelling and...and feathers. I remember you trying to get me out.

[Rowan stares straight ahead, falling silent for a moment. They're relying on her to guide them, as they focus purely on trying to remember, trying to organise the fragments they've had back so far. The problem is that a lot of it is so jumbled, she could be in there. From what they've been told they tried to fight back two - make that three - times, and they do remember pieces of that, but which are the right ones?

Eventually they shake their head, squeezing her arm softly, glad for that connection still.] I won't say the mind wipe is worse than the thing itself, but it sure is the fucking cherry on the cake, innit? [They offer her a soft, apologetic smile.] Sorry I didn't manage. To get you out, I mean.

[ The walk is mostly aimless, their eventual goal a distant thought as she focuses on Rowan's words. Dorothea's expression pinches with uncertainty, with something like pain. ]

You don't need to apologize. You tried and...that's what matters.

[ It's more than many people would do. The details may be lost but someone being defensive for her is still relatively new outside of something like war or battle, where protecting the person at your flank is as essential as protecting yourself. ]

Even if you did, I don't know that I would have gotten far. Not with the way things seemed to be set up. With... With the collars.

[Rowan squeezes Dorothea's arm slightly to hide a shudder. Yes, the collars.] Probably right. We did get out at one point, me and Northly, but we didn't get very far. [They stare into the middle distance, walking in pace with her. It was one of the first memories that came back to them, and it's still the clearest one they have, and it doesn't get any more pleasant the more they think about it.]

Did you hear Peacock singing? Or - well, I dunno. But she was a peacock augmented, and she looked like she'd been there forever.

[ Wait. Did they... ]

No, I didn't hear her. I...wasn't in much of a state to be able to recognize things like that. But after, two friends told me they heard her. Whether that's the Peacock...

[ Well, it's heartbreaking to wonder. If it is, then it's utterly cruel what they're doing to her. And if it's not... Then who is it? Because it must be an Augmented of some kind. ]

[Rowan nods grimly.] I hope it ain't, just 'cos she'll have been there forever if it is, but whoever it is, she's one of us and I want to get her out.

[They rub their forehead and sigh deeply.] Dunno. The whole thing makes me so fucking furious, but I got to keep it down, 'cos breaking down walls might make me feel better but it ain't gonna help us as a whole. Got to figure out how to fix things on the down low, now that we're all out at least. [But that's a slow process, and their rage is demanding that they act now, even though most people, themself included, are still barely recovering.]

[ Her hand lingers on their arm. ]

I don't blame you. I wish...

[ Dorothea is not an unkind person. She isn't a vengeful, cruel person, someone prone to violence. Fighting in a war was one thing, where survival is paramount. And still, still, her wounded heart wants those people to pay. She wants every single person who hurt her and the others to feel what it's like to be afraid, to be hurt, to feel as if they will never be let go. They should understand what they've done.

But would they see it that way? ]

We can't, though. They'd do far worse to us at this point. I heard some Karterians were willing to fight for us but...but I don't think they'd do it a second time. And next time, it will probably be worse.

[ A small box is waiting for Rowan at their place when they come home one day, one containing an insulated scarf and a simple necklace. It has what looks like a little glass globe at the bottom and inside are a handful of small petals of what must be a daisy. ]

Happy Midwinter!
I hope you get some time to enjoy the festivities.
~ Dorothea

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text; (backdated to early Nov)

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So sorry this took so long, just coming out of the Christmas trenches

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mid-december!